A client of mine who is a lawyer in New York City started meditating because he was dealing with anxiety. He came to a group meditation one year after learning and said, “You joked once before about meditation making my sex better, but what’s happening for me is crazy. It feels crass and un-meditatey to say, but my sex life is stunning now. It is fun, loving and primal. Meditation and primal sex aren’t an intuitive fit, but now I’m a believer.” Obviously meditation was not the only contributing factor— after all, it takes two to tango— but his is not an uncommon report.
So why does meditation make you better in bed? Well, let’s consider context first. Many of us are stressed out, whether from work, our relationships, money, or any of our many responsibilities. We’re often so caught up in all the stress in our heads that we’re not fully in touch with our bodies, and we’re also frequently so busy reliving the past and rehearsing the future that we’re not present in the right now. None of these things are ingredients for a great sex life. Additionally, stress increases cortisol and adrenaline levels, and these increased levels of cortisol and adrenaline decrease sexual desire and performance (among other negative effects).
You’ve probably heard that meditation is an incredibly powerful stress-reducing tool, and this is true. So on a biological level, meditation can increase sexual desire and performance by reducing the amount of cortisol and adrenaline running through our bodies. But there are a few other reasons that meditation is such a powerful tool for improving your sex life.
For starters, meditation gives you deep rest, which means more energy for sex. It’s pretty hard to feel turned on if you’re exhausted, and unfortunately, many of us feel so fatigued after a busy day that the last thing on our minds is having a high-energy romp in the bedroom. But when you meditate you de-excite the nervous system and give your body rest that is deeper than sleep, which actually helps you feel more awake afterward. This jolt of energy may be just what you need after work to energize you for a passionate evening with your partner.
The act of de-exciting the nervous system also helps relax your brain and body, which makes it easier for you to become aroused. There is a reason why almost every civilization since the beginning of time has some sort of mating ritual before sex; things like a nice dinner, champagne, oysters and music can help set the mood and relax you for sex. The more relaxed you are going into the act itself, the more likely you are to enjoy it and therefore climax.
Speaking of the act itself, having a meditation practice can also help you during sex. Meditation strengthens the mind-body connection, making you more aware of your body and the physical sensations running through it. When you’re experiencing the world through all your senses as opposed to just through your brain, you’re more receptive to every sensation— which is obviously pretty helpful when you’re having sex.
Meditation also helps strengthen your sense of connectedness, both to the current moment and to your partner. Instead of being distracted about what happened at work today or your to-do list for tomorrow, you’re better able to stay in the right here, right now. Additionally, meditation increases mirror neuron functioning, meaning that you’re more highly attuned to what your partner is feeling. This fact, coupled with the fact that you’re relaxed and present, will probably mean you’ll be a far more intuitive and generous partner.
A final way that meditation contributes to your sex life is that it helps you find internal fulfillment. Your happiness exists in one place and that is inside of you, and it exists in one time and that is right now. Meditation gives you a means to access that happiness, making you less likely to think that you need your partner to complete you. When you’re able to access your own fulfillment and bliss, you’re actually able to give more of yourself, making you a better partner.
If you’re interested in learning more about the neuroscience behind why meditation improves your sex life, join me at The Path on June 15 at 7p. We’ll chat about sex and meditation while enjoying dark chocolate, sake, and a penthouse view of NYC. It’ll be one aphrodisiac of an evening.